I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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