U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Damn victory sex feels great
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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