Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
