I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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