did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You ruined the universe
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
