His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I could fuck to npr.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
