This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
