Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
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this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
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We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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