Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
