Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
