So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
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The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
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I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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