So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
