also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
