My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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