so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
