Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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