My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
