we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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