just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
