Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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