Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm just crazy horny about you
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
