I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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