He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
