there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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