We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
