I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
what day is it and did you see me today?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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