he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
