I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
