i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
