And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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