you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
