I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
