All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
