Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
