They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
