Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
