so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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