i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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