me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
