tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
