Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
