My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
