He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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