turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
