Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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