Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
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I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
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It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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