a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
