i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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