you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
