So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
