I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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