He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
