my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
