Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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