More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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