guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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