Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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