so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
