Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
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My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
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Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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