So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
