dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
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it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
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I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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