That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My vagina is very pro this idea
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
