I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
