okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
