I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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