did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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