i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
