its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize