hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
