well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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