well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
