it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
