I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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