Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
